Why I like reality shows.

Visual garbage, some would label reality TV without hesitation. I'll admit, It's true for the most part. But, like the dirty little microbes that infest our discarded waste, I thoroughly enjoy some juicy television trash from time to time. I don't really care much for sports on the boob though. Don't get me wrong, I really like playing sports and I think it's very important for most men to have somewhere for their testosterone to vent. I just never completely caught on to the whole fan-atic behavior. I have made attempts to keep up with a chosen "favorite" team before, keeping track of the popular players, memorizing stats to use as arsenal in heated debates, advertising my loyalty with team apparel and all other sorts of half hearted actions. It just never stuck. My only honest reason for even trying to keep up before was so that I could join in on the most consistent topic within my closest group of friends. You see, I too can be a man's man in select moments with my peers but a majority of the time I am just another dork trying to come up with more quirky thoughts to share. The thing that I love about reality shows is that even though they edit in all the juicy drama that also means they edit out all the boring stuff. A majority of the people on those shows really are as stupid as it seems. I don't know about you but I love watching idiots be idiots. There's a new show called "An Idiot abroad" that is produced by Ricky Gervaise and it is hilarious.  

 It's about a guy, who happens to be a close friend of Ricky, and he isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. He is sent to travel around the world to experience other cultures in the rawest form. Traveling from one amazing destination to the next staying in horrible hotels and being guided thru the towns by quirky locals. The whole time he is away he sarcastically comments on every discomfort he encounters. His dry British humor is exactly what keeps me coming back for more.

 Other shows like "Jersey shore" give me other entertainment value. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is I love about that overly popular show but, I think it might be because if I were some hard-bodied Italian meat head with New York accent I would totally hang out with those guys! I can't get enough of the practical jokes they play on each other or the drama that just can't seem to stay out of the shore house for more than an episode. What can I say, I'm hooked! To be fair, it could be considered just as bad as obsessing over sports but I don't think I'll be purchasing any "Jersey Shore" apparel anytime soon.

The AWFUL Felafel.

Less than a week ago my wife and I went grocery shopping with a healthy diet in mind. As we were perusing the organic section near the produce department I took notice to something that resembled meatballs. They were Felafel's. I had never had a Felafel before nor had my wife, and I was curious. So I tossed it in the grocery basket with a false hope that they would maybe taste as good as meatballs? Apparently they are made of chickpeas, which I have been reminded that is what hummus is made of. I like hummus so it shouldn't be a big deal right? WRONG.

 Oh my God! They taste horrible! I equate the flavor to the sweaty testicles of a middle eastern mountain man just back from a long hike between uncle Bin Bin's secret hideouts. How would I know what that even taste like you ask, well that's none of your business. Point is, Felafel's should never ever enter my mouth ever again. I don't know why I picked them up to begin with. I was just being experimental ya know. Trying something I've never tried before. Such a disappointment, but after a 14 day detox everything looks damn good. My wife seemed ok with them and my son thought they were just as good as anything, so atleast they aren't a complete waste. Every now and then I get a little adventurous and take a gamble with food I've never tried before. Sounds dangerous I know, but coming from a life of over-eating there is almost nothing I wouldn't try. Mind you, you won't catch me eating dead or living insects and seafood, I'll leave that to the true Asians. Sorry mom but maybe we should of stayed in the Philippines a little longer before coming to America. Now.. where is that lovely little Swedish meatball?

Please try and moderate your perversion.

I work in a hardware store and we sell filters for household appliances like coffee makers, microwaves, air conditioners and so on. But unfortunately, we do not sell filters for a dirty mind. I mean sure everyone has a naughty thought they like to share from time to time but most professionals know the limits. Most. There are those who just don't seem to have any filter at all. It is always amazing when a "grown-up" crosses a line they know they shouldn't be crossing. For some, after repeated offenses it's no surprise at all. Personally, I absolutely love walking right along the edge and throwing in a few really racy balancing acts along the way. Let's face it, work can be rather boring without some taboo being tossed around. It really only becomes an issue in the truly unsure moments of a forbidden conversation. Such as, when your slightly less than professional HR representative is involved in the fun, or when you weren't necessarily invited into the conversation to begin with.

Being perverted can be done in a semi-classy manner. It's true I swear. Just think about it.. When you and a coworker are yet again indulging in another fun-loving freaky deaky convo and it ends with no write ups from management, no calls to the HR's office, and no feelings hurt at all, then it's a success! All parties involved are in agreement and work is yet again tolerable. I'm not saying it's right or that it should be encouraged. I'm merely just admitting that I see it happen everyday. If you choose to participate in such endeavors please please please moderate your perversions. As a person of good humor and a fan of dirty jokes, I love the racy stuff, but I also know when a good joke is ruined. Choose your stories carefully and manage your comedic timing. We (as in the people enjoying the naughtiness) would appreciate some self control when you decide to jump in. You dirty fucker!

Your Facebook updates make you extra douche.

I am so sick of the self-taken photograph's people keep posting on their FB updates! I mean I can totally understand if your having some serious attention dephrevation issues but.. no wait I can't understand! You're an ass. And you continue to keep making an ass of yourself, publically none the less. There are a few exceptions; you just had plastic surgery and they botched your face job, you just put another hole in your head and you want your friends to make fun of you, you got in a fight and you're sharing your battle scars etc. Things actually worth looking at. Lets be honest, no one really wants to see you doing another douchey pose in front of the bathroom mirror. Their might be the occasional on-looker who for some odd reason wants to take a closer look at your doucheyness, but for the most part it gets old. I know what you're thinking, "why don't you just block the postings?" Well I would but honestly, your doucheyness astonishes me. It's like a guilty pleasure or something. I guess I wanna see just how far and how long your doucheyness will go. I'm a prick by nature so I suppose it's a match made in heaven. Your pictures are mere opportunities to say something clever and demeaning. So we're even, your a douche and i'm a dick.