Religion.

              
               Oh sweet glorious religion... It sure has a way of sneakin up on ya. Like when you're in your third or fourth conversation with a person that you had no idea was religious at all and then BAM! The- "thank you Jesus" errupts, or the "God blah blah blah..." crap detours your casual interaction. I myself get very discouraged and suddenly the thought of any profound relationship developing is hardly a potential anymore. Godly people sometimes try to trick you by using bad language just to keep you intrigued, but really they're just trying to get a feel for when they can deliver the "word of God" as it is their devoted duty. Humbug! Humbug I say! Get out of my face with all that mumbo jumbo! No, I don't want to go to your church! And what the hell does "Christ is Lord" mean anyway? I'm happy for you that your cult gives you a chance to maintain some functional moral driven exsistance but, I do not wish to be dragged into it. It frustrates me when people think I am some new mission of theirs to convert. As if I have no morals or logical order to the life I'm living. "Sinning" is just way too much fun! It's not like I have no boundries or unrealistic measures of how to treat people. I'm a nice person willing to respect all things living but I don't feel the need to worship a God that derives from an old story book passed down from generation to generation to keep followers inline.

               Most of these awkward and distasteful experiences come from the Christian based believers. Luckily, Muslims and Jews are members to fairly exclusive clubs that I am never haggled by. There's just something about Christians that compels them to recruit others tenaciously into their special clan. Maybe it's something in the holy water. It's so hard to comprehend how grown people can invest so much of themselves into a religious practice that typically segrigates anyone who believes anything different. I started out as someone of a religion. My mother, as a pure-bred fillipino woman, insisted I partake in the Catholic denomination. So I willingly follow along, praying (reciting someone elses written request to God), kneeling (an annoying side effect to Catholicism), and spreading the word of God (embarrassing myself and warning all the sain people to stay away). After a while I started to notice some inconsistancies. I was in pre-mass catholic class with my peers when I realized that a lot of the answers that were being given in response to many of the questions asked by students were extremely open ended and inconclusive. I began to conjur up some questions myself. Ultimately I was kicked out of class and could no longer recieve communion (that weird moment during mass when everyone goes up to the alter to eat a dry cracker and take a sip of cheap wine). Honestly, I was kicked out of class for making some smart ass remark that had nothing to do with any of the topics being discussed. I was however expecting forgiveness and a free pass to return which I never got, bunch of fibbers. Anywho, I was on the brink of some serious personal growth. I am quite proud of the moment in my life when I realized that religion, in the presentation that was given to me, was essentially bullshit. I was 15 years old when I had this epiphany and man was it a breath of fresh air.

              There were some advantages to having religion in my life as a developing positive thinker. One- I truly believe that the type of person I am, took the best out of the paranoia that Catholocism instills in it's followers and linked it to a realistic view of right and wrong. Most of the stories I remember about the bible were examples of extreme consequences for breaking the rules of social expectancies. When you break everything down to a simple outline it sounds a lot like the golden rule, "treat others as you would like to be treated." So I took that and ran with it. Everything else that was played up and taken to a fundamentalist approach I reguarded as just plain nonsense. My mother to this day is still a hardcore Catholic, and what I mean by that is she is at church every sunday and if she can't make it to the chapel she will have service in her living room for the same grueling length of time. I remember making way to the living room on a Sunday morning and as soon as I caught a glimpse of her kneeling and praying, I tip-toed back in the other direction. She would even make me and my friends recite the "Our Father" and "Hail Mary" prayers in the car on the way to... anywhere! I guess once she had us heathens trapped she would force feed our dirty souls and feel a true sense of Catholic accomplishment. When I look back, I can see the value religion had given to my troublesome mother. She came from a fairly depressing childhood with poor education and an abusive upbringing. It for the most part, kept her glued together. Although I've deemed her as crazy at times I know that without her beliefs she may not have lasted as long as she has. I am very thankful that religion is there for my mother and others like her. I see it as a necessary evil in this life of balance.

             Millions of people hit their rock bottoms everyday and some choose religion as a crutch to stand on. I commend anyone who will in whatever fashion, dust themselves off and try again. If you're in a dark place in your life and the "light of God" keeps you from harming yourself or anyone else, by all means endulge. If your religious practice makes you a good person who inspires greatness in others alike then carry on with pride! Just please be mindful of how proud you become. I can totally understand the excitement and joy of great things happening in your life and the sudden urge to share this experience with others but, I don't want to join your cult. No offense but the reason your getting such great results is you live your life with positive energy attracting positive results. It's not because Jesus is literally sneaking into your room at night and sprinkling magic prayer dust all over your bed. It's just science. You create a positive vibe and therefore positive things happen, good for you! I have religious friends that are completely devoted to their practice and I am quite fond of them, even inspired.Those particular friends are supreme in respecting my beliefs and never place any kind of pressure on anyone around them to sign up. I can be as obnoxious of a "sinner" as possible and never do I feel judged by them. I have much respect for religion and I know 1st hand that it can even saves lives. Personally, I believe there is a possiblity that there is something bigger than can even be comprehended beyond our physical exsistance. I just don't think it's anything we have recently conjured it up to be. The fact is I have no idea what's out there and neither do you. I do know that in my heart I feel I have something to offer to the balance of life on earth. The people I know and love generally feel good about one another and my only legacy is the positive energy that I generate upon our interaction. As far as I know we have one shot to make a positive difference in the lives we live. Forget about the afterlife and make this one a great one!

Pets.

I love animals. Well, some animals. I've had pets for much of my life, but never long enough to go thru the death of one. It started with dogs. Apparently, my parents had a puppy around when I was just a toddler and they had to get rid of it because I thought it would be cool to swing it around by the tail. It got so bad that there was blood. So I'm told. It was a while before another pet was allowed to live in the house with us...well, me.

Then came the kittens. Oh how kittens can melt any old bastard down to a blubbering baby talker. I grew a liking to cats but for one main reason, they take care of themselves. Mostly. I like dogs too but dogs are very much like toddlers and one toddler is enough. Seriously, when my son is in the same house with a dog it isn't long before both of them are being yelled at for the same things. "Get out of the trash!" "Don't put that in your mouth!" "LEAVE THE CAT ALONE!" Cats are much more independent. Sure they get into shit but it's much more fun throwing things at a mischievous cat than yelling at a dog who just looks at you like he was "set up". I've had other pets like fish and mice which are both coincidentally a feline favorite. So you can imagine that I had to get rid of the lesser dominate species. The cats went ahead and took care of that for me.

From there it was either a cat or a dog in my household. Sometimes both, but it's just mean to bring two adult versions of opposing house pets into a home. Entertaining, but mean. My mother was very unsuccessful at keeping dogs. She would take them in but as soon as a potty accident would happen she would force them to stay outside. Which is ok in some cases but my mother would treat it like a POW! The poor bastard would be staring in the sliding glass door as the rain soaks them into a shiver. "Can he come in now mom?" "No! He is the enemy!" She would yell in her thick Filipino accent. She was much better with cats. Although I always would catch a glimpse of her licking her lips as she watches the cats walk by. I'm sure it was really hard sacrificing one of your favorite traditional Asian meals for the sake of your children's bliss. Just kidding. I hope. Never lost any cats which I guess is proof. Anyways, I currently live with 3 cats. Toby, Jinx, and Porky. They all live with us in our RV. Now I know what your thinking, man that's a lot of pussy! No but really it's a lot of bodies to share such a small space. What's the alternative? I force my wife to get rid of 3 "people" she has rescued and known since they were kittens. Cause some serious heartbreak and take ownership of my partner's partially shattered soul. Yeah, I think not. So I just deal with it.

It's not easy but the cats are all grown and require little attention unlike my son. So in retrospect, it could be worse. I have grown to love and appreciate each of there little personalities. Toby for instance, he's a metro sexual with an attitude. Constantly grooming and forcing his way into your affection. We have a love hate relationship. It's more so love now that my son has taken the role of animal terrorist and I am the protector. He had his front claws removed when he was a kitten and makes up for it in personality. He's kind of a bitch but I'm sure that's relative to the fact that he is technically a pussy. Then there is Jinx, Jinx is the black cat, or the black sheep if you will. She is sort of stand offish but when she wants attention she let's you know with her annoying scratchy meow. She's even annoying with the way she receives your attention as she bends herself out of the petting pattern given by your hand. As if to say, "Please pet me, but don't touch me you filthy human!" We also believe that she actually hates her family (us) and tries so very hard to adopt herself out to any visitor that comes around. Sometimes we don't see her until there is a newcomer amidst. She also carries a shank, that she has stabbed me with. I stretch myself out in the bed and as I reach a certain point in my morning stretch I feel one claw go in my foot and I exhale as it is carefully withdrawn thru the thick comforter. She sho is mean but still I appreciate her. Finally there is my super lovable Porky. She's a scaredy-cat, fleeing for safety at the drop of a pin. One time she was casually walking across the living room floor of an old apartment of ours and I move my right foot gently to the side about an inch, and that fat bitch jumped 2 feet in the air blocking the t.v. from view for just a split second before bolting to the bedroom. I'm laughing now as I relive this memory. She has contributed many laughs in our existence together. Another great moment, as I had mentioned she is a bit of a fat cat, and we used to keep there food bowl on top of a side table and there was plenty of room for her to lay next to. Well she had fallen asleep there which we had seen her do before but one time in particular, as we glance over she literally falls off the table and lands on her back proving her fatness then scattering. We chuckled during her exit. Oh good times. My three amigos. I do struggle with the care that comes with owning that many pets in my lifestyle. It is definitely a challenge but, they are a big part of what I consider home. Besides, their family.

The Human Centipede

I recently watched the human centipede and I was mezmorized. I kinda knew what to expect before I actually watching it but I thought it was done pretty well by the filmmaker, meaning it literally moved me emotionally. I didn’t expect any serious reaction from myself but I was surprised that it had actually affected me the way it did. The villin was played very well by some really creepy german actor that had a sort of twisted Christopher Walken look about him. I was pretty much kept at the edge of my seat wondering “is this guy really gonna get away with what he’s about to do?” The actors that played the victims in the film also performed really well, helping me along with the illusion that this could possibly have happened. I remember thinking that even if after the crazy doctor had performed his grotesk operation on these people, their survival would be an even bigger tragedy. They were literally sewn to each other lips to asshole! The guy that was the front of the trio would be the most favored to survive cause he could hide his injury, but the girls in the rear were screwed because their faces had been severely damaged. And, how do you tell your story after going thru something like that? “Yeah... so I was kidnapped by this crazy doctor and he sewed me to this asian guys asshole. Oh, and he also sewed my best friend to my asshole.” And the whole time they’re telling you their story you’re trying not to stare directly at their face. The grossest part of the film was really just a suggested image planted into your imagination by clever acting. At some point the doctor has taken his creation out into the yard to do some obedience training, during which the japanese guy playing the head of the trio, expresses he all of the sudden needs to “take a shit.” Clearly this only means that this is going to be passed into the second half of his formely attractive backside. Eww. I’ll admit, the story is disgusting and simply unnecessary but as a member of genre entitled “Horror” it is horrorifically fantastic. When I watch new films that come out that are supposed to be “scary”, I’m usually about 99.9% of the time unphased. When I watched “The Human Centipede” I was horrified. I don’t need to jump out of my chair in order to feel the essence of a horror movie, but watching something that could possibly happen to me or anyone else I know- I was moved. Would I recommend this movie to others? Only if you have a deep curiosity for dark film making. The question you may want to ask yourself before you watch this movie- “Could this really happen?”

What just happened?

Sheesh! Totally didn't see that coming! Like it came right out of left field I swear! Sometimes people really surprise the crap outta ya. I mean, you get a sense of the "crazy" in most folks you get to know, but when shit really hits the fan, people really get a chance to shine.

            In those moments, you're spinning the wheels trying to figure out the pivotal piece. Like you missed something. Like you skipped a chapter in a book you were barely reading anyway. And if you spend enough time investigating the possible answers, you might even start to question your own sanity. I've found my self on a mary-go-round of "who's the guilty one here" so many times that I have come to the realization that this will happen over and over again so long as I choose to interact with others. It's just something that happens as people suffer change in their lives. Change obviously represents "different from the norm", and when people see different they tend to make rash adjustments that may seem unruly, depending on their experience with the variables. When you're used to living within a certain limit of realities you only expect certain challenges to be faced with.  It's always frustrating to meet an adult who has inadvertently decided to stop growing emotionally, or intellectually. As if they have reached their capacity to learn from life. It's mind boggling when an individual says or does something to signify that their relatability is at it's limit. To go any further into development would be a wasted effort. So what do you do?

 Move on. That's the only legitimate solution I can come up with. Literally remove all the future plans of development with that relationship and find a new interest. The less time you spend from that moment on trying to figure out the answers, the less negative energy you carry. I don't think they are a lost cause forever necessarily, but I think for the time being you're better off going in another direction. I'm almost sure we've all been that person I'm talking about to others that are beyond our way of thinking. No one is perfect. But be honest with yourself and just don't shut out the possibilities. Try your damndest not to be stuck in your ways and always have some room for new ideas. If you stay fresh I'm pretty sure your surival rate will go up.

My new life

Where to begin... Um, well anyone that knows me might be curious as to what i've been spending my time doing in this new "liberated" lifestyle I have recently chosen...

Bye bye Hoss Haley : (

 Nothing much. No really, not a whole lot at all. It isn't necessarily a negative thing but things definitely aren't the way we had planned. The original RV that was given to us by a generous neighbor has been short lived.

After putting much of our anticipated "new RV money" into the mechanical restoration, the old bastard just won't quit coughing up blood. At first, it's hard to swallow your pride and cut the losses but once you've taken it all in you realize things happen for good reasons (once you allow them too of course.) Even though we loved Hoss and we were passionate about fixing him up and hittin the road, he has chosen to stay behind. But, thanks to his efforts we met (no official name yet) and are anxious about the road ahead!



Home sweet home.  It's quite an adjustment to make in our vision of the possibilities. Although there are some negatives to having such a big mobile house that we were consciously avoiding with little o'l Hoss.

 Like, being able to park just about anywhere. Hoss was 18' in length and the new guy is 38'. That's a huge difference! With Hoss, parking was easily feasible. Now planning ahead is key and a must. Could you imagine the humiliation of getting this giant motor home stuck in some busy intersection in a busy city?! In the case of having to drive to a location far enough away from the temporarily designated spot, we either have to tow a car or rent one. Otherwise we would have to be driving this giant rig back and forth everyday between short distances like a car. In most cases we should be able to find parks close enough to job sites so we can walk or bike the distance. Eventually we will probably tow but maybe not at first.

Of course, like any big life changes, there are always challenges. As an adult who made an adult decision, I will welcome the challenges with open arms. My experiences with change growing up around the globe has benefited me to the point where I'm stubborn to the idea of stagnation. I'm not judging those who choose differently, but I find it difficult to see eye to eye with someone who is clueless to all potentials.

I do miss many things from the old life, mostly friendships. But, it is important to stay focused on the future. We are still in the preliminary stages of setting up our new lives and are counting on each other for support. Stress takes new form when old stresses disappear. The lesson here; there is always a fight within ourselves, but the problems are also the answers. And nothing comes easy that's worth having, but the struggle alone make the hardest impression when reminiscing the good times short to follow. I have love very close to me and that is what gets me through anything.